Is love a feeling or a decision? I think your answer or thoughts to this question determines how you approach and deal with love.
My second question – is love about the lover or the quality of the love?.
Why do we mess up when we find love, why cant we keep love?
Perhaps the problem is that little girls are made to believe so much in happy endings, thanks to Cinderella story, Beauty & the Beast and other fantasy love stories. What these stories fail to expatiate upon is that your prince charming may be a dickhead as well as your love. And that you may have to sharpen the stone before it becomes a diamond, and that there is a lot of work to do in finding and keeping love .
This week i got to watch a documentary on Black love on the Oprah Winfrey Network, titled ”Black Love”. I think every single, married, couple engaged to be married needs to watch this. I learnt so much from watch this documentary some of which are that:
-Black love is real committed love
-Marriage counseling really helps out couples
-When each person in a relationship works on how to be a better person, then the both of them become better people in their individuality as a whole person before the blending process.
-mistakes make you work smarter
-If you can master self discipline and control as a singleton, then it becomes easier to handle being married
-Love is 24/7 work, sacrifice, humility, respect, commitment before the passion and the other desirous things come into place.
What struck me the most about this documentary is that every married man, took responsibility for his actions and did not put the blame of the rockiness in the marriage on the woman. Likewise did the women for their personal character. Where the men cheated, they owned up to it and were able to identify what they contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. A man need a woman to be a woman and be vulnerable no matter how strong willed or spirited she is in character, and that a woman need a man to be a man and be attentive to her needs. Another thing I learnt is that when you make a decision to make a marriage work, you cannot compel the other person to take responsibility for it, but you need to take the lead and make certain sacrifices to achieve it without and be prepared to go the mile based on your convictions. For example, if a man in a long distance marriage decides to make the marriage work, and he identifies that the distance is the root problem, then he must be prepared to move to meet the woman rather than demand she moves location. That is the kind of leadership that means business.
The common mistake we make is that we feel marriage or relationships will make us or another a better person, or perhaps it will change a person, whereas we need to make sure as individuals we are refined,sharpened, constantly developing and maturing before we think of the two as a unit and before you can meet the needs of another person. A human being cannot be everything for you, we are not built physically or emotionally to be the all-in-all to another human being.
On that note you all need to watch the documentary- ”Black Love” and feel so enlightened, blessed and illuminated.